your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He better not be in your backpack
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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