Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
