Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
