I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
