Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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