we need to drink 2009 down the drain
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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