and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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