grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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