Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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