I want to stick my p in your. b.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
