if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
