you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
