i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
