I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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