No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
