There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
