You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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