dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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