I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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