More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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