i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
