Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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