So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
