Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
