Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
