I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
