I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
