Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i've created a new STD.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
