Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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