the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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