No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
