Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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