I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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