Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
