i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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