I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
