And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
