I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
