Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
they're like a gay fantastic four
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
