I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
