Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
