once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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