I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
