I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
