I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
