We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
