It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
