yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
