Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
