Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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