even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
